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THE GROOM LAKE DESERT RAT.   An On-Line Newsletter.
Issue #20.  December 19, 1994.
 -----> "The Naked Truth from Open Sources." <-----
AREA 51/NELLIS RANGE/TTR/NTS/S-4?/WEIRD STUFF/DESERT LORE
Direct from the "UFO Capital," Rachel, Nevada.
Written, published, copyrighted and totally disavowed by
[e-mail]. See bottom for subscription/copyright info.

In this issue...
     UFO RELEASE: TEN TIMES O.J.?
     CAMPBELL GETS SPECIAL PROSECUTOR
     TWO NEW ACCUSED TRESPASSERS PLEAD NOT GUILTY
     LEGAL FUND ESTABLISHED
     LAND GRAB STATUS / OUTING PROPOSED
     MORE LARRY KING COMMENTS
     CORRECTIONS AND UPDATES
     INTEL BITTIES
     ASK PSYCHOSPY


 ----- UFO RELEASE: TEN TIMES O.J.? -----

One statement made by Glenn Campbell on the Larry King "Live from
Area 51" special on Oct. 1 seems to have upset a lot of UFO buffs
(confirming to some that Campbell must be a government agent).

Here is a transcript of the last few minutes of the two-hour show,
pretty much summing up the position of each guest.

LARRY KING:  "Glenn, do you think they'll come to Washington and
say 'Hello'?"

GLENN CAMPBELL:  "I have the feeling, personal[ly], that they
probably obey the Prime Directive--That's from Star Trek.--that
they should leave us alone and let us conduct our own lives.  They
seem to not want a lot of attention."

DR. STEVEN GREER:  "Let me say, though, that I do think that
within the decade that it is likely that an undeniable event will
transpire.  There [is] the proliferation of video cameras and
other technologies such that some of the events that have happened
in the past decades, if they were to happen now in 1994, there is
a higher and higher chance that this would result in undeniable
evidence."

KING:  "Are you encouraged that this administration would help?"

DR. GREER:  "Yes."

KING:  "Therefore you think that President Clinton does not now
know what you may know."

DR. GREER:  "I really shouldn't comment on that."

[Awkward pause.]

STANTON FRIEDMAN:  "That's a mysterious comment."

DR. GREER:  "What I think is that the current administration, the
cabinet level people are probably not informed to the level that
they should be.  And to the extent that they have been informed,
it is probably disinformation not information."

KING: "Kevin, optimistic or pessimistic?"

KEVIN RANDLE:  "Looking at the history of the government, I'm
fairly pessimistic.  I think it will take some kind of outside
event to make us learn what is really going on."

KING: "Glenn?"

CAMPBELL: "I'm neither optimistic or pessimistic.  If the story
hits, it will cause a big stir in the media for a while, but we'll
go back to our regular lives."

KING: "Just for a while?  Come on.  Hard Copy would be there
tomorrow morning up in Pluto."

CAMPBELL:  "Picture the O.J. Simpson brouhaha and multiply that by
ten, and maybe you might have the UFO thing."

KING:  "Sex in space."

DR. GREER:  "I think it will be bigger than that, and I think that
what you'll see is a transformation in the way we look at
ourselves as a people.  People will evolve into a global society
instead of national ones."

KING:  "Are you optimistic?"

DR. GREER:  "Yes, I'm very optimistic in fact."

KING:  "And you, Stanton?"

FRIEDMAN:  "I'm optimistic.  I am concerned that the American
people are nowhere near aware enough of how much stuff is being
covered up as we speak--the huge black budgets, all the documents,
that scares me."

KING:  "Thank you all very much for being a terrific panel and for
participating on this show that started in daylight and ended in
darkness.  [...]  We also want to thank everyone associated in
this wonderful little spot on this treasured earth called Rachel,
Nevada, for their wonderful cooperation, and this great crew as
well, our producers and the entire staff.  Thanks for joining us;
have a great time and.... [looking heavenward] bye.


Through the pulling of strings, Psychospy had obtained a pass to
the Larry King set, erected in the desert across the street from
the Little A'Le'Inn in Rachel.  We lurked in the shadows during
the rehearsal and show, monitoring the radio traffic of the
control room and camera operators.  There were a half-dozen
cameras:  A camera on a moving dolly, a camera on a 20 foot boom,
a camera behind Larry, three cameras facing the stage, and a
camera on a hilltop a half-mile away.  From the outside, it looked
like a graceful ballet of cameras dancing hither and yon, but we
pitied the guests:  You couldn't pick your nose without the world
watching.

Anyway, upon return to our Research Center, we found some forty
messages on our answering machine, and the phone continued to ring
all night.  Most of the callers were very angry and said: "I've
tried the 800 number and can't get through.  Why won't you people
take my call?  I've got important information about the government
cover-up that must get on the air."

One message on our machine came from a Lieutenant Colonel at Fort
Dix Air Force Base in New Jersey asking us to return his call.  We
didn't bother, since we knew Fort Dix was an Army base.

The next most common kind of call were anonymous voices accusing
Campbell of being a government agent.  These were deep breathers
mostly, who left epithets and cryptic threats on the tape and then
hung up.  The most coherent were similar to the email message
quoted in DR #18:

   "The show is off the air 10 minutes and I am left with the
feeling that Glenn Campbell works for the government.  I have no
evidence to that fact, I am new to this whole line of information,
but Mr. Campbell in my opinion seemed to soft-peddle the entire
affair in a much too uncomfortable way for me to give him any
credibility."

Other messages, faxed or mailed to us from supporters and
detractors alike, seemed to focus on Campbell's "O.J." comments.
"Only ten times O.J.?" they said.  We're talking about the BIGGEST
NEWS EVENT IN HISTORY.  If the government releases info about
UFOs, it could SHATTER OUR INSTITUTIONS.  World religions will
CRUMBLE--or, alternatively, church attendance will skyrocket as
humanity tries to come to grips with the fact that IT IS NO LONGER
THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE.  World financial markets will fall
into VIOLENT TURMOIL and may even COLLAPSE when investors realize
that alien technology instantly makes ours obsolete.  There will
be RIOTS AND LOOTING in the streets as humans see the
meaninglessness of our earthly laws.  Millions of people will
COMMIT SUICIDE, while others will refuse to go to work when they
realize just how small and meaningless their lives really are in
scheme of the universe.

Other correspondents sent us la-dee-da predictions, not unlike Dr.
Greer's, suggesting that knowledge of the alien presence would
draw all of humanity together into one loving, cooperative entity
singing "Kumbaya."

"Balderdash!" we reply.  We may disagree with Campbell from time
to time, and we are not ready to announce that any aliens actually
exist, but we think his nonchalance, at least on a philosophical
level, deserves our defense.

 ..... THE REAL EFFECT .....

Human history has always been filled with major disruptions and
uncertainty, and still we have bounced back to at least an
adequate level of functioning.  Any alien presence or agenda, no
matter how sinister, must pale in comparison to the truly evil
things that humanity had afflicted upon itself over the centuries.
Take the Second World War, or any war for that matter:  How could
the aliens, who seem clinical and disinterested at best, possibly
cause as much disruption to society as people systematically
blowing each other's heads off?

Most people's lives are irrational and meaningless enough anyway
that it is hard to imagine that any release of information will
push them over the brink.  Some people, already unstable, may
indeed commit suicide, just like during every big snowstorm a few
precarious senior citizens pass away; the notion of them jumping
off cliffs like lemmings is ridiculous.  Humans are creatures of
habit and convention.  They will continue to do what they are
doing now unless they are physically prevented from it.  All the
profound philosophical and technological implications of alien
life would be absorbed only over time, at the rate that
individuals and society are prepared to change.

Religions seem like the least likely institutions to be affected.
Religious beliefs are based on faith and often fly in the face of
reason anyway, so no amount of data is likely to change them.  We
can expect only a temporary instability as leaders of the major
faiths race around to find the alien references in their
scriptures to prove that they had the idea first.  (We'd place our
money on the adaptive and media savvy Mormons to easily win this
P.R. race.)

The aliens have been variously described as centuries or even
millennia ahead of us in technology.  As such, we can't expect
that much of their gadgetry will be immediately useful or
reproducible by us.  It is like giving a transistor radio to a
cannibal on a remote desert island.  First of all, he's got no
stations to listen to.  If he is very clever, he might be able to
figure out how the radio works, but he certainly doesn't have the
ability to reproduce it with the tools or materials at hand.  In
all, the technology is so advanced as to be almost meaningless to
the cannibal, who would much prefer a new spear or juicy
missionary.

Thus, the earthly economy and financial markets would probably
remain stable for many years.  People will still need to feed,
clothe and house themselves in the traditional manner.  Alien
technology will not immediately bring down the price of the
Pentium chip or obviate the human need for air travel to sunny but
meaningless tourist destinations.  Money will retain its perceived
value, and Las Vegas, like other religious sites, will continue to
prosper as a place for people to trade their money for the slim
hope of salvation.

The only guaranteed effect of any alien revelations would be an
increase in television viewership.  Television is our society's
guiding light in any time of crisis or change.  People will want
to know what Dan Rather and Peter Jennings have to say about the
aliens, although they will probably produce only the obvious
platitudes:  Yes, they could blow us out of the solar system if
they wanted, but they haven't done it yet, so they probably aren't
a major threat.  Dan and Peter will only be killing time before
cutting to Washington for the long-awaited Big Announcement by the
President of the United States.  Of course, by the time the
President announces something, you know it will be old news,
having already circulated on the tube for some time.  Still, the
people need a leadership figure to offer them the same platitudes
as Rather and Jennings, but with the strength and authority of the
Man in Charge.  The President's popularity rating will soar that
night as people cling to their leader, although it will probably
fall again to its original level before the next election.

 ..... UFOLOGICAL CONFLICT .....

Most ufologists seem to be basically schizoid about the release of
UFO information.  On the one hand, they say that the government
MUST tell what it knows and that the people have a fundamental
right to the data.  On the other, they say the news will probably
send society spiraling into anarchy, destroy our economy, religion
and government and drive people to mass suicide.  That is not the
message to send to encourage the government to comply.

What we are talking about is only information, no more dangerous
or destructive than how we choose to interpret it.  If prominent
UFO researchers run through the streets yelling, "It's the end of
our society!" naturally the rest of the populous is going to
become upset at any mention of aliens, and the government will be
all the more reluctant to release any info.  The duty of
responsible ufologists is to help prepare society for the Big News
by issuing only calm, reasonable statements and speaking about UFO
information as though it were routine.

Noisy outrage at the government doesn't advance the movement any.
Ufologists say:  The government MUST tell us what it knows, and
when it does, heads are going to roll in Washington for keeping it
from us for so long.  No bureaucrat or government department wants
to come forward with previously withheld information if they know
they are going to be condemned for it in the end.  It is more
useful to recognize the government for what it is: neither good or
evil, but a necessary part of our society composed of individuals
who don't all hold the same views.  To get what you want from any
organization, you have to understand its needs and the concerns of
the people who run it.  Instead of railing against the government
as a whole, it may be more useful to support the elements within
it that share our goals.

The disruption of society would seem to be a major concern of the
people in charge; perhaps it is the whole raison d'etre of the
secrecy.  Politically, it should be the goal of ufologists to
allay that fear.  We want to send the message: "We can handle it,
now."  Instead of blasting the keepers of the knowledge, we ought
to pin a medal on them, tell them how proud we are of their
accomplishments and let them turn over the reins to us in a
dignified ceremony before we pack them off to the retirement home.
These people, no doubt, have been pursuing what they have felt is
best for the country, and because we do not yet understand the big
picture, we cannot say that they were wrong.  There could be a lot
of frightening aspects to the alien info.  In real impact, it may
not be another World War Two, but the truth could still be
disturbing enough, emotionally, to require some courage and
maturity to face.  That it has taken so long to come out may have
been justified, in which case we don't have to blame anyone for
what has happened in the past, just proceed from the present.

Of course, Psychospy is not claiming that aliens, UFOs or any
government cover-up of them are real.  We will not be pinned down
on this point.  But if they ARE real, we believe the secrecy will
collapse very quickly when a certain critical mass of social,
economic and philosophical factors is achieved.  Like the fall of
the Berlin Wall, it could happen almost overnight.  In fact, the
collapse of the Soviet Union itself could be the most important
contributing factor to the fall of the Alien Wall.  It means there
are fewer bureaucratic niches in which to hide your crashed
saucers and little gray bodies.  With the moral underpinnings of
secrecy eroding, and a million internet users now collecting data
and making it instantly available to the world, never in history
has it been harder to keep a Really Big Secret.

Perhaps it is time for Psychospy to come out of the closet.  In
1995, we hope to explore UFOs and alien issues more deeply here in
the Desert Rat.  We will, of course, remain seated squarely on the
fence (ouch!) and let the data speak for itself.  Even if there
are no aliens, the philosophical topic is fascinating:  How do we
approach a field of knowledge that seems way beyond our current
understanding?

The solution?  Just panic.  Throw up your hands and run
hysterically through the streets yelling, "Aggggghhhhhhh!"

Always works for us.

 ----- CAMPBELL GETS SPECIAL PROSECUTOR -----

TRIAL DELAYED TO FEB. 8

Who do you know who gets a Special Prosecutor?  Richard Nixon,
Ollie North, maybe Clinton if he is lucky.  Campbell feels
similarly honored to have a Special Prosecutor appointed for him.
The new S.P. is Steve Dobrescu, a lawyer in private practice in
Ely, Nevada, hired especially by Lincoln County to handle the
Campbell obstruction case.  The District Attorney, Tom Dill, says
that he appointed the S.P. because Campbell's political activities
were creating a conflict, but we wonder if the D.A. isn't just
passing the buck because he doesn't like to make difficult
decisions or appear in court.  This sure must be costing the
county a bundle.

Now that the D.A. has excused himself from the case, it is
interesting to note that he can be subpoenaed as a witness should
it prove necessary.

In any case, Campbell has talked with his Special Prosecutor on
the phone, sent him his "press packet" and files on the case, and
declares himself pleased with the choice.  "It is a pleasant
change to deal with someone who understands both the letter and
spirit of the law," said Campbell.  "From what I know of him, I
think he is a straight shooter who will make his own independent
judgment about the evidence."

Since the D.A. did nothing for five months, and waited until only
two weeks before the scheduled trial to appoint the S.P., Dobrescu
requested a further delay of the trial to give him time to review
the case.  Campbell, acting as his own attorney, has agreed, so a
new trial date has been set for Feb. 8.  The world is still
invited.

Some readers have questioned why Campbell has not hired a lawyer
to defend him in such an important case, given that Campbell does
not even know how to format a motion [DR#19].  Campbell replies
that he "wouldn't miss this opportunity for the world," especially
the chance to strut and bluster before the captive jury.  "I'm
learning how to be a lawyer by doing it," said Campbell.
"Essentially, the county is providing my law school.  I may make
mistakes, but regardless of the outcome, I will emerge as a more
dangerous legal force in the end."

 ----- TWO NEW ACCUSED TRESPASSERS PLEAD NOT GUILTY -----

....AND ASK FOR A JURY TRIAL

It may be just coincidence, but two visitors recently accused of
misdemeanor trespass near Freedom Ridge have pleaded NOT GUILTY in
Pahranagat Valley Justice Court and have asked for a JURY TRIAL.
Ryan Chivers and Jason Winget of Salt Lake City were intercepted
by anonymous Cammo Dudes on the evening of Dec. 1, not far from
the "Restricted Area" signs on Groom Lake Road.  The two admit to
getting lost briefly in the dark while trying to find Freedom
Ridge and that they may have unwittingly wandered across the line
at some point.  The key question is whether they were on public or
military land at the time of their capture.  According to their
account, the anonymous Dudes intercepted them outside the
"Restricted Area" signs and then marched them back inside the
border, where they were later taken into custody by Deputy
Lamoreaux of the Sheriff's Dept.

Unless the Cammo Dudes who captured them show up in court to
testify that the accused were on military, not public land at the
time of their capture, the two are simply not guilty of the
trespassing statute they are charged with (NRS 204.200): (A) They
did not WILLFULLY cross the line, and (B) they were not FOUND
across the line, except after the Dudes kidnapped them back there.

In any real world justice system, the case would be thrown out
instantly, but this is Lincoln County ("...now leaving America")
so we can't expect the D.A. or judge to catch on.  That's why it
is essential to request a jury trial, where at least there is a
hope of justice.

This trial is scheduled for Feb. 15, one week after Campbell's.

 ----- LEGAL FUND ESTABLISHED -----

We find a jury trial to be a compelling concept.  It is a
guaranteed right under Nevada law for any misdemeanor, but it
won't be offered; you have to ask for it.  We are grateful to T.
Lindeman for putting us on to this concept.  We regret only that
we did not know about it in time to help the six defendants
accused last January [DR#1, etc.].

Imagine what would happen if EVERYONE accused of trespassing opted
for a jury trial.  This would be the best guarantee of fairness
for each, especially when local justice and law enforcement
officials seem so entangled in dubious alliances.  Imagine a full
jury trial, with all the trimm'ns, happening every other week in
Pahranagat Valley Justice Court.  The tiny system might be
swamped, but if this is the price of justice, so be it.  Perhaps,
in the process, Lincoln County might be encouraged to loosen it's
secret ties with the Cammo Dudes.

To help encourage justice here, the Area 51 Research Center has
just established a legal aid fund.  The Research Center will pay
all or part of the fines of any accused trespasser, provided they
opt for a jury trial and go through the full legal process.  Going
to trial is a pain, especially for those who live out of state and
must come back, but we also find it a excellent form of education,
an opportunity to learn the legal system by doing it.

This offer applies only to INNOCENT accused trespassers, those who
did not intentionally cross the line.  We cannot defend those who
DELIBERATELY intrude into the Restricted Zone and happen to get
caught.  (What if you get so "lost" that you wander 10 miles
inside the Zone?  We would have to approach that on a case-by-case
basis.)  The fund may also be used for other legal pursuits
relating to the dubious cooperation between the Sheriff's Dept.
and Cammo Dudes, like securing the release of lost film taken by
deputies for "processing" and never returned.

Contributions already made by our generous readers to the Campbell
Defense Fund will be transferred into the new Accused Trespassers
Defense Fund.  New contributions may be sent to us at the Area 51
Research Center.  (Please tell us your email address or Secret
Agent Code Name and let us know whether we can print an
acknowledgment of your contribution here in the Rat.)


 ----- LAND GRAB STATUS / OUTING PROPOSED -----

It isn't yet time to schedule our "End of the World Party" on
Freedom Ridge.  The wheels of government turn slowly and there are
still more steps in the withdrawal process.  We talked to Neil
Talbot at the BLM Reno Office for the latest update.  First the
BLM has to respond to the ten protests raised to the "Proposed
Land Use Amendment" (which had to be filed by Dec. 9).  How long
this takes will depend on the quality of the protests, but it
seems likely to extend into the new year.  When all the protests
are settled, BLM could issue a "final record of decision"
approving the withdrawal.  However, the implementation of that
decision can then be appealed to the Interior Board of Land
Appeals--while the land, presumably, remains open.

We think it's a riot that this action, supposedly a shoo-in for
the military, has stretched out for so long, miring one part of
the government in the bureaucracy of another.  No matter what the
end result may be, the military has lost this battle badly because
it fought the WRONG battle:  It fought for the land instead of for
the hearts and minds of the people.  The last laugh is, Freedom
Ridge doesn't exist.  It is an artificial public relations concept
created here in the laboratories of our Research Center.  It has
done its job well--like a car that was supposed to last 100,000
miles but you manage to squeeze 300,000 out of it.  No matter what
happens now we can't complain.

We won't schedule our "End of the World" event until we have a
solid closure date.  In the meantime, however, some readers have
expressed an interest in holding another casual get-together on
Freedom Ridge in January.  This could turn into the "End of the
World Party" if the withdrawal process moves more quickly than
anticipated, but for now we'll just call it an anniversary event.
It will be a year ago in January that we unveiled the four wheel
drive "Freedom Ridge Expressway."  At the ribbon-cutting
ceremonies--reported way back in DR#1--we welcomed aviation
writers and buffs for a "last glimpse" of the secret base before
the land might be closed.  Hundreds have visited the ridge since
then, including respectable journalists from all over the world,
as well as the entire editorial staff of THE NOSE Magazine on one
of their mindless drink-and-drive sex-house road trips out of San
Francisco.

The dates proposed for this anniversary event are Jan. 14, 21 or
28.  We encourage input from those interested as to which date is
best.  We'll call this our Second-Annual-Could-Be-Closed-Any-Day-
Now-Freedom-Ridge-Inspection-Visit.  In January, the weather can
be pleasant (or horrible) during the day, but it is too cold to
camp at night.  (Last year, the wind was calm with daytime highs
around 50 and nighttime lows in the teens.)

Meanwhile, the out-of-touch Cammo Dudes thought they were going to
get the land Dec. 9.  In anticipation, we hear that they took down
the yellow ribbons marking the public hiking trail to Freedom
Ridge, which is not yet their authority to do.  Time to send
another strong letter to the Air Force.

 ----- MORE LARRY KING COMMENTS -----

   "Now, I might have been temporally insane, but by any chance
did you see those lights that started to appear around the end of
the show?  A couple of them seemed to get brighter and dimmer as
they hovered behind those 'expert's' heads and I saw at least one
that zigzagged across the screen.  I counted around four that just
hovered.  Were those search lights from Area 51? or something
else?"
  -- [e-mail]

We offer two theories:  (1) Headlights of cars in the distance and
(2) moths attracted to the bright stage lights after dark.  In any
case, to avoid conflicts with the setting sun, the cameras were
pointed to the north, away from Area 51.  When Larry King pointed
to secret base "just over those hills," it was the wrong
direction!

 ----- CORRECTIONS AND UPDATES -----

The ILLEGAL REPEATER STATION on public land reported in DR#18 has
been removed to inside the military border.  (We are not sure
whether it happened before or after the publication of DR#18.)

Several MORMONS on our subscription list sent us email about our
suggestion in DR#18 that Lincoln County elections were dominated
by local Mormons voting as a block.  These big-city Mormons say
that any political lobbying from the pulpit is strictly forbidden
by the church.  They say that it is unfair to blame the whole
church for small-town attitudes, which might be the same in the
rural South, where Southern Baptists rule, or in remote
Appalachia, where folks just can't read.  We agree that there are
other theories to account for the unhappy election results apart
from the easy Mormon one:  The most prominent we overlooked is
that, because the county lacks industry and is rich in family
ties, almost everyone here seems to either work for the county
government or be related to someone who does.  Naturally, these
people aren't going to vote for anyone who promises "change"
because that could mean that Uncle Fred will be out of a job.

 ----- INTEL BITTIES -----

PHOTOGRAPHY APPEAL.  If you have visited the Rachel area and lost
film to the Lincoln County Sheriff's Dept. (for "processing"),
please get in touch with us.  (If you have already talked to us,
then reaffirm your presence.)  This information could be important
in upcoming court cases.

PAPOOSE VIEWPOINT DISCOVERED.  Papoose Lake, the mysterious and
inaccessible area 15 miles south of Groom where Bob Lazar says he
worked with alien craft, isn't as invisible as previously
supposed.  You can see the Papoose lake bed from at least one
mountain far to the south, near US-95.  Unfortunately, the
distance from the viewpoint to the lakebed is about 45 miles, so
you won't make out much without a good telescope--but at least you
can say you've seen it.  [e-mail] and spouse were the
first to visit the viewpoint, discovered with the help of a
mystery source we shall call "C".  For a free copy of tmahood's
"Mt. Sterling Guide" describing the area, send him an email
message.  (The internet impaired can send us $1 for a copy by
regular mail, anywhere in the world.)

MONTEL ROASTED ON 20/20.  THE MONTEL WILLIAMS SHOW [DR#15 & #16]
got its just desserts on a 9/16 report on ABC's 20/20.  In a story
on talk-show ethics (or lack thereof), 20/20 recounted the story
of a woman lured onto the Montel show under false pretenses, who
was then told, on the air, that her sister had had "mercy sex"
with her former boyfriend.  Pure sleaze, but we knew that already.

WWW SITE NEEDED.  The "World Wide Web" is quickly becoming the
hottest thing on the internet.  (America On-Line promises to offer
it soon.)  You type in a starting address, and a document is
displayed on the screen.  Click on a highlighted word in the text,
and another document is displayed, providing more details.  It's
one of the best ways we've seen to organize complex information
and make it available to the public.

[e-mail] has set up a WWW structure for back
issues of the Desert Rat [See footer below.] but the Research
Center has been working on a more elaborate structure pulling
together a lot of diverse info on Area 51 and related topics (for
example: a special section devoted entirely to "Modern Munchausen"
Sean David Morton).  Our only problem is that we need a reliable,
low cost Web server to keep our files on.  We've tried some
commercial internet providers but haven't found what we need.  We
welcome advice from other users in finding a "home" for this
material.  (We would need direct FTP write access and require 5mg
to start.  Also, we want to be totally "above board"--paying by
the mg if we have to--so we can stay at this server permanently.)

NAME CHANGE.  To reduce the confusion of our many names and
aliases, our mail order arm, formerly "Secrecy Oversight Council,"
has changed its name to "Area 51 Research Center."  Frankly, the
entire "Council" could eat from the same bowl, so we thought it
would be more direct to call ourselves by the simpler moniker.
"Secrecy Oversight" is still our game, but it seems that Area 51
will remain our focus for some time to come.

 ----- ASK PSYCHOSPY -----

Dear Psycho:

   "Are there any female 'Cammo Dudes'?  If not, why not, and does
affirmative action apply?"

   [e-mail]

Dear Stephenh:

   The C.D. force would never allow no bitches.  Mostly solid
white males, the pride of our country.  You can see the Dudes'
point of view, can't you?  It is doubtful that women could keep up
with the rigorous physical demands of the job (sitting around in
Jeep Cherokees all day) or that they have the brainpower to outwit
those clever tourists.  Remember Tailhook?  That's EXACTLY what
happens when you let women in.  We can't compromise national
security or the integrity of the force.  (Now don't get us wrong,
we don't mind a piece of "A" now and then, but sometimes it's just
too close for comfort.)

   Psycho

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(c) Glenn Campbell, 1994.

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